denyce: (CW RPS: TRoM Chad)
[personal profile] denyce

part 1
part 2
part 3

Immobile, Chad stood there watching, stunned to see Jared and Jensen kissing. It wasn’t like a small thank you kiss, or even an accidental first-time kiss. The kiss was intimate, one of familiarity, and that seriously shocked him. Questions of when, how, why, all ricocheted through his head, enough that he had to clench his fists to stop shaking.

Startled, Chad turned toward the closed door where he just came from, as he heard voices behind the door coming toward him. Quickly Chad glanced back, to see that they hadn’t stopped kissing, that they didn’t hear, and didn’t know they were about to be outted if he didn’t say or do something.

Devastated, hurt and angry Chad just stood watching them. He shouldn’t care, but the fact was he did.

Forcibly he turned away, spied a tray of clean bar glasses on the counter, and then scanned for a bottle of Jack. The reason he was there in the first place. Spotting the Jack, he snatched it off the counter. With his other hand he gripped the tray and pulled, letting it drop to the floor. Listening to the loud sound of glass crashing and shattering on the floor as he turned and left. Outside, leaning against the wall he started chugging down a shot, his throat burning with each swallow. Slowly he pulled it away, saw the people behind the voices he had heard, hotel staff, standing there gawking at him in shock. Protectively he clutched the bottle of Jack to his chest, glancing back toward the closed door. Thumbing toward the door, he muttered a pitiful ‘sorry’. Before they could ask anything, his body slumped forward, pitched at a slant as he moved past the staff, and tried to high tail it out of there as fast as he could.

He had just turned down a different hall, barely registering, “Mr. Murray, wait, please.” Reaching the door someone ran up, a hand pulling him to a stop. “Whoa, wait, you don’t want to go that way, Mr. Murray.” Dumbfounded, Chad just starred at him.

The kid nervously swallowed, slightly panting. “The press sir, going through there that’d take you to the lobby and it’s crawling with press. If you let me…” His hand took Chad by the elbow, guiding him down a hall.

Chad shook his head shocked that anyone would care. Jared obviously didn’t. His stomach turned at the thought; thankfully it was already empty. Disregarding the twist in his gut, and forcibly ignoring the images of Jared’s disapproval flitting through his mind, he lifted the bottle, stopping to take a long swig, then another, leaning against the wall as they waited for the elevator.

Hesitantly the kid asked, “Sir, Mr. Murray, ah don’t you think you’ve had enough?”

Licking his lips, Chad opened his eyes, staring at the kid’s nametag, Bobby. Shaking his head, “Chad, just Chad, Bobby.”

The kid nodded, a silly grin in place obviously pleased that he took notice of his name. “Alright, Chad. Ah, can I?” Then his chin hitched toward the bottle.

Chad looked down to the bottle he held tightly in a death grip. He looked the kid up and down, and suddenly realized Bobby wasn’t a kid. He stood close to Chad’s height, an inch or two taller or shorter, Chad couldn’t tell especially since his own stance was wobbly, as his knees wouldn’t straighten, ready to fold under him if given the opportunity. Bobby had a mop of dark hair that needed to be combed. Long bangs were neatly tucked behind his ears; the rest hung straight just brushing his collar. With light blue-gray eyes that opened wider as Chad continued to stare. Repeatedly licking his own dry lips, savoring the taste of the Jack, Chad stared at the kid’s lips. Watching with fascinated when the kid did the same, mirroring Chad’s actions, nodding as if Chad had silently asked him something.

Bobby was suddenly on his cell, speaking rapidly to someone in bits of Spanish, English and something else. Too fast for Chad to pick up on what he was saying, then he decided he didn’t care, instead he took another long swallow, spilling a little as he was unexpectedly guided into the elevator.

Bobby said something, his face split into a grin, laughing as the doors reopened and Chad was suddenly tugged and dragged through a series of halls, through an alcove to a door that led to a secluded patio outside. It was dark, quiet, a few stone tables scattered around, the area hidden behind tall hedges, in the back of the hotel.

Smugly the kid looked around, then up to Chad, answering Chad’s unasked question. “It’s an employee smoking area, and no one that’s on tonight smokes.” His eyes roamed over Chad’s body. “We’ll have some privacy, as soon as…

“Ah here’s Roberto, you don’t mind do you, he’s a huge fan, I had to let him know you were here.”

Confused Chad whispered, “Roberto?”

“I know, but it’s easier, less confusing having everyone here calling us Bobby, and we both hate Bob, and Robert, but Roberto has a nicer ring, don’t you think?” Chad had tuned out Bobby’s ramble and turned toward the newcomer, Roberto, he was shorter than the kid, heavier, and stockier, in dress uniform, obviously another hotel staffer, Roberto came over, openly happy. He blatantly leered, sexual innuendo clear.

Chad returned the stare, a ping of warning signals were sounding off in his head and gut, something about this wasn’t right— he had to get the hell out of here.

Belatedly Chad nodded in greeting, stepping back from Roberto, almost colliding with Bobby. He didn’t know what to say, but he needed to leave. Stalling to think of something, he started to take another swallow. Abruptly Bobby took hold of the bottle, pulling it away and spilling more of the JD down Chad’s shirt as he did. Setting it down on a nearby table, said “Have something better for you to suck on.” Bobby’s hand clamped over his shoulder, pushing him down. Under the pressure his knees instantly buckled, hitting the floor in a painful jerk.

The pain ricocheted up, but he didn’t have time to contemplate why, as his head was yanked forward. Hands sloppily caressed his face, fingers running over his lips. Through a haze of alcohol, he was barely aware of what Bobby was doing, or saying. Bobby’s fist clutched his hair pulling, jerking his head further back. Suddenly he saw then felt the slick head of Bobby’s cock being swiped across his lips, Bobby’s clipped, stilted words, “Go ahead, I know you want it, open up…” Dazed, clearly confused, Chad’s lips opened in pain as the kid’s grip tightened and painfully yanked on his hair. “Yeah that’s it. You want it don’t you? Such a good boy, ahhhhhhhhh.”

Confused as the words swam in his ear, another voice, Hilarie’s voice came to his mind. He remembered she had said similar words, good boy her words and voice echoed within his head, telling him to open wider. Then he saw Jared standing there, snickering, laughing as he watched, with Jensen pressed into his side. Leaning into Jared, Jensen laughed, ‘See I told you he was a slut. Ready to drop to his knees.’

Suddenly, the side of his face and ear was burning, the kid screaming at him, “Shit! No fucking teeth. Do that again, and we’ll give you worse… Oh yeah that’s better, relax and open your throat, oh yeah…”

Unexpectedly Chad couldn’t breathe, his hands pushed against Bobby’s thighs, as he moved trying to get away. Bobby swiftly reacted, punching his back; his other hand fisted in his hair, holding his head tight. A wall was suddenly at his back blocking him from escaping, weighted pressure over his hands had them anchored in place on Bobby’s hips. “Through your nose, asshole… breathe through your nose.”

Trapped, Chad struggled to make his body obey.


The garden décor was starting to get to Jeff, as he tried to remember the directions if it was a left or right. Each hall corridor was different, but to his eyes they blended together. All Jeff wanted to do was avoid the throngs of paparazzi camped out front, and find the damn hall that led to the employees smoking section in the back. Cursing, almost contemplating just lighting up and paying a fine if he was caught, but his mother’s disapproving frown kept him walking.

Deciding to go right, he had only passed a half a dozen rooms, walking a little too close to the wall around a curve when he was suddenly on top of a couple in a deep, intimate clinch, which Jeff accidentally interrupted by bumping the guy’s shoulder. Ushering a quick, “Ah excuse me.” he sidestepped back.

Jeff hesitated as he noticed the guy’s shoulders tense, his body shifted as he turned to protect the lady behind him in order to face Jeff, and then broke out into a smile. “Jeff.”

Jeff blinked and returned the smile as he suddenly recognized Chris. Grinning, he sheepishly added, “Oh hey, sorry about that.” He glanced back down the hall, sheepishly announcing. “Think I’m lost. Was trying the smoking section.”

Chris chuckled, “We’re cool man. If you hang on a second I can show you.”

Jeff nodded, about to say thanks, when the girl stepped up. “It’s ok I…”

“Nah, I got it, sweetheart, you’re already late. Beside we were just there; think I can find my way back.” Chris leaned in and gave her a small peck; with the back of his hand he caressed her cheek before stepping back. Then he shifted a glance from the girl then back to Jeff. “Oh… Jeff, Karen, Karen, Jeff.” Waving a hand between them with his quick introduction.

She smiled, but her eyes were still on Chris, it was obvious she didn’t want him to leave. Turning to fully face Chris, grinning, she reminded him anyway. “Okay, halfway down, a right and an immediate left at end of the alcove.” Chris nodded. Jeff was about to leave, to follow the directions himself and give them some privacy, but she was quicker as she leaned up to kiss Chris’s cheek, and whispered, “Call me.” Then she moved, calling over her shoulder to Jeff, “It was nice meeting you.” And she was gone before he could utter the return sentiment.

Chris clapped his hand on Jeff’s arm, “So a smoke?” Jeff looked down at Chris’s hand, nodded, shaking his head, biting back a bubble of laughter. “Nice girl.”

Nodding Chris agreed, “Yeah, yeah she is.”


Abruptly Jared and Jensen pulled away from each other and turned toward the sound of something crashing. Out of the corner of his eye, Jensen noticed that Jared had absentmindedly wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, before turning his attention toward the bar where the noise had come from.

Jensen couldn’t deny that it irked him, that Jared had wiped his mouth, but now wasn’t the time to get into it.

They waited, expecting to see someone coming or going. They glanced at each other then moved to investigate.

Behind the bar what they found was a tray of glasses, broken and shattered on the floor.

Jared chuckled, “An accident?”

Shaking his head, Jensen remembered, and looked from the tray to the counter and back again. “No, it wasn’t sitting that close to the edge, someone must have shoved the tray, or dumped it on the floor.”

They each turned toward the door hearing voices, then a door opened as hotel staff came in, their voices falling silent when they saw Jared and Jensen, their eyes shifting to the broken glass on the floor.

Jared nervously cleared his throat. “Ah we didn’t, we were…” Then he turned to Jensen, lost, not sure what to say. His eyes widened as it suddenly occurred to him that whoever did this probably saw him and Jensen kissing. Instantly understanding that from here whoever it was had a clear view of them.

Jensen quickly grasped what happened. His eyes shifted catching only half of what the girl was saying, “… he apologized about the glasses, and the bottle he took. I’m sorry, but we’ll have to say something, the hotel will want to charge…”

Though he didn’t want to know, he had to know for sure who she was referring to, so Jensen interrupted, “Who?”

Startled by his demand, she stammered back, “Ch...” She blushed and corrected herself, “I mean Mr. Murray.”

He was about to ask her if she was sure, but he could see in her eyes that she was. Absently he nodded, “Thanks.” And pulled Jared toward the door.

Once free of an audience, he turned to Jared who at the moment looked more like Sam than ever. “It’s okay, we’ll find him. We will, and we’ll work this out.” Jared only nodded as they moved back toward the throng of people. Their objective clear: to find Chad Michael Murray.


Chad struggled for each breath, more out of sheer panic than obstruction, even as Bobby continued to slowly fuck his mouth. The pace was slow, leisurely; his fingers untangled in Chad’s hair, and then started to pet through the strands.

Chad could hear the two men who held him kissing. Trapped between them, unable to physically move, he only hoped that once the kid came, it’d be his opportunity to get away. With that focus, Chad willingly opened his mouth wider, swallowing, sucking, and running his tongue along the kid’s fat cock. Bobby’s moans increased, raspy guttural words in Spanish filtered down to him.

Encouraged that Bobby would come, that he’d have a window to get away, Chad increased his endeavors.

What Chad didn’t expect was the kid’s sadistic streak, or his own reaction. Suddenly both of Bobby’s hands were anchored over Chad’s head, fingernails digging into his scalp forcibly holding Chad in place. Bobby’s hips started to move forcibly abusing Chad’s mouth and throat, pistoning in and out each thrust going deeper.

Abruptly Chad’s nose was buried in pubic hair—memories colliding, flashes of when he was assaulted ages ago— it was too much. In sheer terror, Chad blindly started fighting, pushing back, his hands clawed and dug into skin, scratching deeply, raking and drawing blood. His lips uncurled from over his teeth, scraping down over the cock in his mouth.

A high pitched scream pierced the air, followed by a tumble of words Chad didn’t recognize, and he didn’t care because his mouth was empty, even as his head was on the receiving end of several blows. Hands on his body yanked and manhandled, pushing his body about like a rag doll; hands from behind gripped hard, angling his hips, then fingers fumbled with his pants opening and pulling them down. Blind awareness hit that it wasn’t over, Chad started kicking, his body twisting about, though sore, he tried begging for them to stop. A stinging, open handed slap stunned Chad still as he heard Bobby address him. “Stupid fuck! We’d have made it nice.”

Frantic, Chad shook his head, his throat aching, voice barely above a whisper, continued his pathetic attempts to yell, to raise some ruckus, to attract someone’s attention. Once again, Bobby’s hand gripped and fisted into Chad’s hair, jerking his face up. His breath hot on Chad’s face, demanding. “We’ll stop once you play nice.” An assenting grunt followed Roberto’s painful hold as his fingers dug further into Chad’s hips and then unexpectedly released Chad, his body falling into a heap.

Dazed and suddenly free, Chad didn’t bother to question why, only struggled to get up only to be hindered by his pants still partially down. With both hands he hastily pulled them up, fastening the zipper and button. He could hear the shuffling sounds of fighting, distractedly he turned in time to see Bobby’s face connect with someone’s fist, his head swung from the impact, arms flailing as he went down hard, knocked out before he even hit the ground.

Chad turned in time to see Roberto forcibly go to his knees, his arms pulled into a stretch behind his back. A curtain of hair hid the guy’s face, and though he was smaller in size than Roberto, it was obvious the guy had skills. By the whimpering sounds coming from Roberto, whatever the guy was doing was quite painful.

Chad blinked, instinctively jerking away when he saw a hand in front of him. Belatedly he realized it belong to the guy who was trying to help. Immediately, the guy held up both his hands, and bent down, speaking as he slowly offered his hand again. The tone of his voice was gentle, soft, caressing. A tone he’d often heard Rex use trying to get his mom to go sleep it off.

Blinking, just blankly staring at the guy, he didn’t even realize what the guy was saying until the guy turned, and he got a delayed recall of the guy saying something along the lines that they needed to call the cops, get an ambulance.

Panicked, Chad reached out grabbing the guy’s wrist to stop him. The words were sticking in his throat, but finally he was able to blurt, “No!”

The guy sighed, still staring, his concern palpable. Awkwardly Chad just sat, returning the guy’s stare. His walls gone, emotionally bare Chad could only silently implore. Hoping that the guy would listen, would understand, as he softly muttered, “No.”

“Chad, it’s okay, we’ll go with you.” The guy helping him slowly inclined his head toward the other guy who had come in with him. Chad turned, his headache increasing as he become conscious that the guy knew him, had called him by name. Then he saw the other person still holding Roberto—was Chris Kane. Turning back, he really looked at the other guy, his name at the tip on his tongue, finally recognizing him as Jeffrey Dean Morgan—fuck!

Immediately he rolled, coughing and splitting as nausea and realization hit—that Chris and Jeff had just saved him from… from what? Shaking his head he couldn’t, didn’t want to face the answer. It didn’t matter anyways it was his fault. He should have known what Bobby wanted, did know, he just didn’t respond fast enough. In the end it was his fault, it was always his fault, he knew that.

Chad felt Jeff kneeling near him. At first his hand hovered cautiously, then slowly started to caress Chad’s back in soothing circles as Chad continued to cough, his body quaking. Forcibly Chad held his breath, concentrating. Felt the heat on his back from the Jeff’s hand.

Feeling calmer, Chad moved to stand, this time accepting Jeff’s help as he stood.

A groan suddenly broke the silence. Chad turned toward the sound, to see Bobby’s body moving, his eyes opened, though only to mere slits. His confusion clear as he looked around then instantly stilled as he spotted Chad. His eyes narrowed this time menacingly as he looked directly at Chad, and started to get up. Then immediately his body fell back, his eyes notably widening once he saw Jeff.

A sharp whine resounded, reminding them that Chris was still forcibly holding Roberto. “Jeff?”

Shaking his head, Chad forcibly pushed back the panicked voice of his younger self, screaming in his head, Don’t not again! Tell them the truth.
Dismissing his internal plea Chad bit the inside of his cheek, reached for his back pocket, pleased to find his wallet still there. Chad had to have this go away; he couldn’t let Jeff or Chris believe this was anything more than a misunderstanding. Ignoring the quiver of his fingers, Chad opened his billfold, pulling out several twenties and a couple of hundreds. Walking over to Bobby, he swallowed. “I’m fine! Nothing happened that I didn’t ask for….” Pausing, his eyes narrowed, looking down at Bobby, daring the kid to refute him. “Things got a little carried away, but we’re good, right Bobby?”

The kid audibly swallowed, only pausing a second as he licked his lips and quickly nodded, his smile hesitant. “Yeah, we’re good, just having a little fun.”

Chad nodded, his teeth grinding, and dropped the money over the kid. Devoid of emotion, his voice deadpanned, “Yeah fun… now we’re done.”

The kid’s brow lifted, like he was about to argue, but as Jeff stepped closer he clamped his mouth shut, averting his eyes. Tentatively Jeff’s hand clasped Chad’s shoulder, his tone still gentle, laid with a noticeable underlining fierceness that Chad instinctively knew wasn’t directed at him, and frankly surprised him. “Chad, that’s not what we saw. You don’t have…”

Chad didn’t let him finish. “No!” Without waiting, or turning back, Chad quickly found the exit and walked out.


Stunned, Jeff just stood there watching as Chad walked out.

Absently Jeff rubbed a finger over his scar at his temple. It was a permanent reminder, that sometimes people, even if they’re screaming for help, don’t actually want it, or that they’re just not ready to accept help. Where Chad fit, he wasn’t positive, Jeff had definitely made the wrong call before one that got him the scar and letting Chad walk away not calling anyone, felt wrong. His finger caressed along the scar, his gut twisting, knowing that even if he got hurt again he couldn’t just walk away, everything in him was telling him that Chad needed help. “Shit!”

“Yeah that kind of sums it up. What do you want to do with these two?” Chris asked, still holding the other guy. Chris pulled on his arms back to force an unnatural stretch, even with his head hanging in defeat, it didn’t hide the tears, whether from pain or humiliation that were falling freely down his face.

Overwhelmed, Jeff felt momentarily numb. Too horrified by what he and Chris had walked in on, what he had seen in Chad’s eyes when he tried to help him up, of how Chad had just walked out… he needed to go after him, but couldn’t stop shifting his glare between Chad’s two attackers.

He didn’t even realized Chris had taken the decision away from him until he heard the other guy crying and repeating over and over that he was sorry. Chris had changed positions, had the guy bent face down on the bench, Chris’s boot on the guy’s back, his hand holding the guy’s arm, twisted up across his back, freeing Chris other hand to use his cell.

Worriedly Jeff asked, “Who you calling?”

“Don’t worry I got this…” the heel of his foot pressed, grinding down. A pitiful moan followed. “Go on go after Chad.”

Jeff started to move, then caught some movement from the corner of his eye, the other guy Bobby was trying to discreetly reach out for the money.

Jeff didn’t stop to think, just moved. Hauling the guy up, pulling him close as Jeff slammed his back into the wall staring him down. The level of hate and furious anger Jeff felt toward this man, about what he had done to Chad, had walked in on, had Jeff shaking. Jeff watched as his eyes shifted around frantically then spotted his friend, belatedly realizing that his friend couldn’t help him, that Chris forcibly held him in place.

Jeff leaned in, making the guy flinch, his breath ghosting over the guy’s ear; the color of hatred filled the heated gravel of his voice. “Doesn’t matter what Chad says, I know what you did, what both of you were doing…. what you would have done.” For emphasis he rapidly slammed the guy’s body hard against the wall, making him bounce. Jeff heard him grunt from the force as he closed his eyes from the pain Jeff was causing. Jeff blew air against his face, silently demanding that he open his eyes. He did. “Say one word, come near him….” purposely letting him read Jeff’s intent. Seeing the look of terror, Jeff slowly smiled, and coldly added. “I’ll enjoy myself.”

When Jeff was sure he got the message, he turned roughly, still holding him with his left hand, and landed a perfect right hook, knocking the guy unconscious.

Dropping his hold, Jeff toed the collapsed body, turning toward Chris. “You sure?”

With a wide grin, obvious that he enjoyed the show, Chris nodded. “Yeah, now get the hell…”

Jeff didn’t wait for Chris to finish. He turned and ran after Chad, had to trust that Chris could handle the rest.


Anxious, Jeff pushed open the door; turning a corner ready to race down the hall, not sure how far Chad could have walked in his condition. He had held Chad, felt the tremors. Even with that bit of defiance, of bravado, Jeff knew the truth that it was only an act.

Thankfully just as he turned the corner, he found Chad, almost running him over in his haste. Chad stood, standing, or rather slouched leaning up against the wall. “Hey?”

Cautiously, Jeff came closer. Chad didn’t move. His head fell forward.

Bending down, slouching so he could see into Chad’s face, and cursing when he saw tears running down his face.

Suddenly Chad was aware someone was there, and swung out. It was wild, still his fist connected solidly with Jeff’s side. Holding his hands up, Jeff stepped forward, closing the gap for greater impact. Talking as he inched forward, a running dialog, repeating the same things over and over, “Hey, Chad, it’s ok, you’re safe now. It’s me, Jeff. Not going to hurt you, …shush, it’s okay….”

Chad didn’t respond or acknowledge that he understood, instead he keep hitting. After the first punch, each blow and hit he delivered was weak. It was clear that Chad’s body had exhausted his reserves. Jeff waited, Chad’s attempts sluggish, as he burnt off the remaining adrenaline.

Worn, breathing heavily, Chad slumped against the wall. Jeff kept up his vigil, softly repeating that it was going to be okay, that Chad was safe.

Chad grasped at Jeff’s open shirt, his fist clenching tight, pulling himself up. Close enough that Jeff could feel the shudders running through Chad’s body as Chad hung on. Without hesitation Jeff’s arms encircled Chad’s body in a hug. Chad stilled. Jeff’s voice was low, only for Chad’s ears, he kept up the same mantra, telling Chad he was safe now. His hands soothingly rubbed over Chad’s back. It took him several minutes, but Chad finally relented, his body slowly relaxing in Jeff’s arms.

As Chad calmed within his embrace, the quivering tremors under Chad skin increased. Jeff responded by gripping Chad tighter.

They stayed like that for a while, until Jeff heard the elevator. Deciding he didn’t want to find out to see who it was, Jeff pulled back from Chad. Chad’s fists clenched tighter on Jeff’s shirt, silently asking him to stay.

Jeff hushed him, “It’s okay, but we need to get you out of here without those paparazzi moneys out front finding out.”

Chad looked like shit, he had snot running from his nose, his pupils were blown, irises completely bloodshot, lashes wet from his tears, his eyes were wide and innocent. The sharp clarity of blue, as bright the sky on a summer’s day; Jeff’s breath caught in his throat. Completely unaware of the affect he had on Jeff, Chad continued to stare, to innocently beguile.

Inwardly, Jeff berated himself for his sudden feelings of attraction toward Chad. He had just been sexually assaulted; Chad didn’t need Jeff or anyone else to perv out on him. Jeff silently demanded that he get his own shit together. Biting back a curse, he firmly guided Chad down the hall toward an exit. Opening the door, breathing in the fresh air, Jeff scanned the area. He moved toward the front, stopping a few yards from a light post, guiding Chad off the sidewalk onto the lawn and toward the shrubbery surrounding the hotel’s walls.

Shaking his head to focus, he replied. “Paparazzi are at the front, I know we’ve got to avoid ‘em.” Jeff’s hand moved to caress Chad’s head, making sure he understood. “I got here on a bike. She’s parked closer to the front. It’s too bright, they’ll see me, but if I go alone I can be back here…” Jeff licked his lips, saw Chad turn away, felt his body retreating. “No, I just need you to stay put, then I’ll be right back. Can you do that, just give me about fifteen minutes in case they stop me, and then we’ll get out of here?”

Though Chad jerkily nodded, Jeff wasn’t reassured. He leaned into Chad, his hand clamped over his shoulder, his lips brushed against Chad’s head. Abruptly he pulled away, adding, “Promise, I’ll be right back.”

Watched as Chad slumped against the wall, Jeff stepped back, turning to make sure it was clear before walking toward the sidewalk, surveying the area as he did. With a little luck, the tall shrubbery, and the fact that Chad was partially hidden, standing just beyond the lit area of the parking light, hopefully would keep Chad concealed—as long as no one came along. Without glancing back, Jeff said loud enough for Chad to hear, “Okay, you stay right there. I’ll be back,” before moving briskly toward the front and where he had his bike parked.

As he neared the front, he slowed down not wanting to draw attention. Thankfully it worked, outside of a couple of camera shots, and some photographer who called his name, he smiled toward them and waved them off as he reached his bike. Getting on the motorcycle, Jeff turned on the ignition, and throttled her, kicking the stand up as he drove out of the parking lot, going around the building in the opposite direction from he had left Chad.

Seeing that no one was around Jeff popped onto the sidewalk, rolling to a stop near where he’d left Chad. Cutting the engine, he moved to where he left Chad, hoping he was still there—he was. Gently he grabbed Chad’s hand, wrapping an arm protectively around his waist. “Alright let’s go.”

Though wobbly, Chad moved, and once seated he hung on tight as Jeff started the bike and took off.


Chris added a bit more pressure, until Roberto cried out again, “Stop, please stop… alright yes, yes we did. Bobby called me, said he had a treat. Someone I’d love. That he was begging for it.” Chris ground the heel of his boot down harder. Roberto winced; a new burst of tears flowed, shaking his head, whining. “We were just gonna have a little fun.”

Hotel security moved forward, and with regret, Chris moved back, the energy of his fury still tangible. Turning away, he started to pace, shaking his hands as they hung down at his sides, then pulling them into fists, clenching tighter, the need to hit was palpable.
Karen came up to him, her voice low and for only his ears. “You’re sure he won’t press charges?”

Chris gritted his teeth.

“Then the only thing I can do is have them suspended, put ‘em up for evaluation.”

Chris turned, only to see the guards were checking for injuries on the guy Jeff had knocked unconscious. He was pissed that either of them should only have a few bruises that’d fade in time. He wanted them arrested, charged with sexual assault, but his hands were tied if Chad wouldn’t press charges…


As they milled through the crowds, Jared and Jensen focused on their search, distressed they still hadn’t found Chad; their worry stepped up a notch after they ran into Mike.

Jensen heard more than saw Mike as he pushed his through the crowd calling after them. Jensen had paused, waving Jared to keep going, that he’d catch up. Jared nodded, staying focused on his task to find Chad. Jensen turned and waited for Mike, trying to think of something to get rid of him so he could continue searching with Jared. As Mike approached, Jensen was about to say hi; instead his mouth hung open when Mike only patted his shoulder, a reckless, “Hey Jenny” thrown in his direction as Mike quickly moved past him, making an obvious b-line toward Jared.

Shaking it off, Jensen quickly followed. Mike was already there, and whatever Mike had said, by Jared’s reaction it wasn’t good.

Once Jensen was close enough, he asked, “What is it?”

Jared barely looked at Jensen, his lips pulled into a thin line, his expression growing more solemn. “He found him.”

Jensen didn’t bother asking who, turning to Mike, he demanded. “Where?”

“I don’t know where he is now, but he was in the bathroom tossing his cookies.”


Mike shrugged, “I don’t know man, something like twenty minutes ago. Listen I don’t know what’s going on, but clearly something is…”

Blinking, “What, why?” Jensen didn’t want to be obtuse, but he had no idea why Mike felt like he had to chase Jared down, just to tell him that Chad was puking.

Offended or startled, Mike glanced from Jensen to Jared. Leaning in so he wouldn’t be overheard, “As I said, I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s obvious that something is. First, Chad was in my face pissed for no reason, Jared’s standing there white as a sheet, and you’re trying to play the fool.” Something must have shown on his face because Mike raised his hands in surrender. “Hey I’m just the messenger, and a friend.”

Feeling guilty Jensen shook his head, “Yeah, I’m sorry Mike.”

Mike smiled in return, accepting his apology, his hand gripped Jensen’s shoulder squeezing. “Don’t worry Jenny, it’d take a lot before you could get rid of me.” His head jerked toward Jared. “Now go on and take care of him.”

“And Jenny, I wasn’t lying, you guys are bordering on obvious, if you don’t tone it down, you’re gonna have people asking questions, questions I’m not sure you guys are ready to answer.” Mike’s eyes shifted toward Jay. Jensen’s gaze followed. Fuck!

Jensen moved to Jared’s side. “Jared, hey, come on man, you got to stop it. You can’t do that here, you know that.”

“Do what?”

“Jesus, you’re doing Sam’s emo face, people are going to out two and two together.”

Angrily Jared snapped. “I don’t give fuck, and I’m not leaving until I find Chad.”

Sighing, Jensen answered. “Do you really want to draw this kind of attention to Chad? Don’t you think he’s had enough press lately?” It was a low blow, but Jensen needed to make his point.

Jared’s face fell. When he looked back up, with obvious effort, Jared’s worry was perfectly veiled. Pleased, Jensen nodded. “Good. Just one last thing—it’s not I, but WE. We’re going to find him, okay?”

A grateful smile graced Jared’s face, nodding. “Yeah okay.”


They worked their way through the main room twice, including a couple of the side rooms, and still no Chad. There were no signs that he left, at least not the same way he came in, and they had already checked to see if Chad had checked into a room - he hadn’t. Logically Jensen knew that if they couldn’t find Chad by now, that Chad just didn’t want to be found. And they should just let it go at that, to try to find and talk to Chad tomorrow. The problem was, Jensen’s gut was telling him that something wasn’t right. His eyes slid over to Jared, who finally had his bitch face under control, but it didn’t change that Jared was just as worried about Chad as he was.

It was still relatively early, not even eleven by the time they finally ran into Chris.

Though probably to anyone else Chris appeared calm, Jensen could tell under the surface that Chris was relieved to see him.

“Damn, I’ve been looking for you, ah do you still have Jeff’s cell number?”

Startled, Jensen asked, “What, who?”

Chris’s eyes darted to Jared then back to Jensen is eyes, “Sorry man, but if you still have Morgan’s number, I’d really like it …”

Jensen shook his head, “Why?”

“Does it matter? I’m asking.”

Something was wrong. Grabbing Chris’s arm, Jensen dragged him closer. Jensen wasn’t worried about Jared, he had told Jared about his fling with Jeff a long time ago. “Alright what the hell is going on?” Chris glanced over his shoulder to Jared. Jared returned to look and came closer.

Jensen found his voice first, “What happened?”

Chris licked his lips, and shook his head. “Can’t, not my story to tell.” Turning to Jared he emphasized, “He’s okay. He’s with Jeff. I just wanted to check on them.”

Jensen watched as Jared stepped back, and pulled out his cell, searching for then hitting dial on Jeff’s cell number.

Jensen gazed back at Chris, asking. “You’re sure he’s alight? We’ve been looking…” Jensen noticed when Chris averted his eyes, but nodded. He took in the fact that Chris was fidgeting; Jensen’s eyes immediately shifted toward Chris’s hands, where he had them clenched into fists. Telltale signs told Jensen more than what Chris wasn’t telling him. That whatever happened, Chad had gotten into trouble and that Chris still wanted to pound flesh. Remembering how drunk Chad was, how Chad had come on to him, that Chad had seen them kissing…

All night his gut kept warning him that something was going to happen, and it had. Whatever it was he could only be grateful that Chris and Jeff were there. Though knowing that, still didn’t pacify his worry.

“Listen, as I said he’s fine…”

Absently Jensen pulled out his cell and quickly scrolled down until he had Jeff’s name displayed, handing it to Chris. Chris took the phone, his thumb moving as he input the numbers into his own cell.

Jensen grasped his shoulder, pulling Chris closer, into a half hug. “Chris, I don’t know what to…” squeezing Chris’s side he added a heart felt, “thanks.”

Jared moved closer, frustrated, as his hand swept through his hair. “He’s not picking up… but I left a message to call back as soon as he can.”

Nodding, Jensen asked, “Good. You ready to go?”

Wiped, Jared agreed. “Yeah, let’s get the hell out of here!” Jared’s hand reached out and squeezed Chris’s shoulder in thanks as he passed.


Once Jensen and Jared were out of earshot and swallowed up by the crowd, Chris spun around, sidestepped and caught the arm of the lady who had been eavesdropping. “Hold on there…”

Offended, she eyed his hand holding her. “Hey, do you mind?”

“Actually I do, when I catch someone eavesdropping.” Holding tight, as she tried to wrench free from his grasp. Lowering his volume, his voice hard, raspy Chris firmly added, “Especially on something that’s none of their damn business.”

Instead of pulling away, she glared back, stepping into Chris’s space. “Maybe it is my business.”

Chris’s eyes narrowed, his gaze scanning her face. Then it hit him, he knew her, or at least recognized her. She was the one that Murray was supposedly having an affair with.

Chris licked his lips, silently conceding, she wouldn’t say anything. Not that she knew anything, and he wasn’t about to say anything. “It’s not.” And suddenly let go of her arm and started to walk away.

This time she grabbed him, and then quickly let go at his heated stare. “Listen, I… I’m sorry, but I have to know, is he? Is he really okay?”

He didn’t know what was between them, but it was obvious that she honestly cared about Chad. “Yes. You heard me before, I wasn’t lying.” He didn’t wait for a response, instead turned and walked away, moving quickly enough to lose her in the crowd. Why he needed to leave, to ditch her, he couldn’t say, but he couldn’t shake the fact that if he had stayed there was a distinct possibly he would have told her the truth. What he needed to do was follow Jensen’s lead, and get the hell out of here. Once he found his ride, he was going to do just that.


“Hils, you came.”

Smile in place, Hilarie turned to find Sophia standing there. “Wouldn’t miss it. It’s your time to shine.” she moved in and hugged her friend.

Sophia returned the hug, grinning. “Thank you. You know Chad’s here somewhere too.”

“Actually I heard he headed out.”

“Oh.” That was all Sophia said, then started in on something else, but at some point Hilarie started to tune her out. Absently she looked in the direction Chris had gone.

Finally Sophia demanded her attention. “Earth to Burton, where did you go?”

Embarrassed, “Sorry I’m slightly distracted.”

Sophia laughed, “Ah ha, does that distraction have to do with a certain Chris Kane?”


“Chris, I saw the two of you talking.”

“You know him?”

“Yes and no. We met a few times, through Danneel. He’s a good friend with her and Jensen. Why, you interested?”

Guiltily her eyes shifted toward Sophia, who waited calmly for her answer. Sophia didn’t know what happened - that she had been eavesdropping or that Chris had actually caught her, none of that changed Sophia’s query. Focusing on that question alone, thinking of Chris, his piercing blue eyes, the protectiveness he had for Chad, the ping she felt in her gut when she thought of him… The answer surprised her. Yes, yes she was interested. She felt the extra heat as she flushed, recognizing the truth of Sophia’s question.

Apparently Sophia accepted her silent response, and responded with her own, excited inhale. The silence lasted only a few seconds before Sophia burst like a dam, rambling, offering her every little tidbit she knew about one Christian Kane.

Laughing suddenly feeling very relaxed, like old times, Hilarie enjoyed watching Sophia animatedly dish her all the gossip, satisfied that before she left, Sophia would make sure she had Chris’s number.


The drive took Jeff longer than he expected. In part, due to staying off the main roads, with only one legal helmet, he needed to avoid being stopped. For himself he had used the smaller half shell helmet he kept in the side pocket, and had given Chad his helmet.

A few years ago Jeff bought a house on the outskirts of LA. A small fixer-upper, that became home whenever he was in town. Rolling up, he pulled to a stop and cut the engine. At some point during the slow ride Chad’s tight grip had shifted around Jeff’s waist, holding his body pressed flush against Jeff’s back.

Jeff popped the kickstand and straightened in his seat, silently letting Chad know they had stopped. Chad didn’t move. On autopilot, Jeff took off the smaller helmet. Then partially twisted in his seat, enough to see Chad’s eyes were closed.

Slowly Jeff’s hands covered Chad’s. His thumbs swept over Chad’s hands trying to get him to relax and let go. Finally Jeff had to untangle Chad’s grip from around his waist. Standing, Jeff’s hands held Chad still as he deftly took off Chad’s helmet. “Come on, we’re here.” Jeff said, maneuvering Chad’s body off the bike. “There you go.”

With Chad barely awake, leaning heavily into his side, Jeff quickly guided Chad to the front door. Fumbling, he fished for his keys and opened the door. Bisou was there, excitedly wagging her tail.

He didn’t even get to say anything before Chad’s body slumped forward, his hand reaching out. The dog sniffed him, but backed away cautiously. Jeff didn’t bother waiting as he ushered Chad into the house and over to the couch letting Chad plop down. Jeff reached over and turned on the lamp on the end table and dropped his keys.

Bisou came forward as Jeff bent down to give her a proper greeting, both hands cupping her face, rubbing her down. “How’s my girl?”

She panted her excitement, then looked over his shoulder, her eyes on Chad. “Yeah I know, but he needed help.” She responded by barking and shaking her head. Rubbing his hand in her fur, Jeff nodded, silently agreeing.

She jumped up, licking Jeff’s face, then backed up and walked around him. Sniffing at Chad’s feet, her nose gathering information, moving up, ghosting over Chad’s hand. Watching, Jeff thought Chad had passed out, but then Chad’s fingers easily unfolded, opening up, brushing up a path under her chin. Obviously practiced, they swept up until his fingers were scratching behind her ear. When he pulled back, she jumped up on the couch beside him, nudging his hand to continue petting. Jeff laughed, as Chad immediately complied.

With the light on, watching Chad, Jeff was able to really observe, and what he found had him concerned. He could clearly see Chad’s lips were swollen, splotches of dry blood trailed down his chin. Sporadic spots of skin yellowing, clearly bruising with the promise of darker, colorfully distinguished marks by morning.

Even from where he stood, he could smell the stench of alcohol, vomit, blood, and, if he wasn’t mistaken, come. That last made his stomach roll. A reminder of the circumstances and the position Chad had been found in.

He wanted to stop thinking, to stop remembering, go have a cigarette, instead he moved forward, crouching down, facing Chad. “Hey?” Chad looked up and said, “Sorry, I don’t remember, what’s her name?”

He wanted to say that he hadn’t told Chad her name. Instead Jeff just smiled, his hand reaching out to pet the dog as he said her name. “Bisou.” Then added, “Think you can stand for a shower?”

Jeff could see he had startled Chad.

Lowering his chin, Chad took a sniff, his face scrunching up. Chad’s eyes shifted from the couch back to Jeff, his face flushing, suddenly embarrassed. “Yeah, sorry.” His hand pulled away from Bisou, and leaned forward in an attempt to stand.

Jeff stood, biting his lip, it wasn’t exactly how he meant it, but at least it got Chad moving.

As Chad fell back, Jeff moved; wrapping an arm around his shoulder, another anchored under an armpit as he helped lift and steadied Chad’s stance. “Okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good.”

Jeff didn’t believe that for a minute. He stayed at Chad’s side, slowly walking him through the house toward the master bathroom. Passing the guest bathroom, Chad’s step faltered as he looked inside. The toilet and sink were covered in plastic. The tub held the curtain rods and towel racks. Blue duct tape covered baseboards, and around the ceiling edge. The floor itself was covered with a drop cloth and a pile of hardware from the door and cabinets. A couple of gallons of paint, brushes, a roller, and roller pan all sat ready to be opened and used. “Just one of many projects that thankfully I haven’t had time for.”

Chad’s head jerkily bobbed in understanding, his limp body shook from the action, reminding Jeff, he probably had a short window before Chad passed out cold. Tightening his grip he ushered Chad back to his bathroom. Letting Chad lean against the counter, Jeff moved, opening the glass shower door and turned on the water, adjusting the temperature.

Turning back, Jeff found Chad slumped over, his head hanging, his body teetering, about to fall over. He swiftly moved back to Chad, offering support. Automatically Jeff’s fingers moved, deftly unbuttoning Chad’s shirt. Ignoring the splotches of blood, the tears in the cloth and the missing buttons until Chad’s shirt hung open. Letting it fall to the floor once he unbuttoned the cuffs, the material slipped off of Chad’s shoulders.

His eyes scanned Chad’s chest, his gut twisting as he recognized the start of more bruising. Swallowing his anger, he focused, his fingers moving toward Chad’s pants. His eyes shifted looking up into Chad’s face, to find his eyes closed. Squeezed tight, like a child, something Bill’s did whenever he was wishing really hard for something. But Chad wasn’t a three year old wishing for a toy or to go somewhere, he was probably wishing he were anywhere but here—doing anything else but this.

Jeff’s gut twisted, he hated this, hated what had happened, but he couldn’t pretend that it didn’t happen, that Chad had been sexually assaulted, even if Chad wanted to. He had to be sure that Chad was really okay.

Jeff licked his lips, taking a deep breath, his voice choked as he asked. “Are you hurt anywhere else? You need to tell me…” Chad vehemently shook his head, no. “They didn’t.”

“If you’re bleeding, torn…”

“No!” Chad’s body started shaking; his voice lowered sounding more child-like. “Didn’t get that far.”

“Okay.” His hand moved, soothing circles on Chad’s back, trying to ease those tremors, and his own nerves. “Okay. It’s okay; you’re all right now. You’re safe.” Silently berating himself that he couldn’t think of anything else to say, but Chad seemed to find some comfort as the shudders subsided.

“You ready?” Chad nodded.

Jeff didn’t stop to think, just moved, as his fingers busily went to Chad’s jeans unbuttoning and unzipping them. Jeff moved down to Chad’s shoes, pulling them off before his fingers trailed back up, hooking his fingers just under Chad’s boxers and pants to pushed both the jeans and boxers down. His foot stepping on the material to hold it in place as he helped Chad step out and move closer to the shower.

At the door, “Ready?”

Chad nodded, and gripped the shower door as Jeff hesitantly let go, and allowed Chad to move under his own power.

Weak kneed, Chad swayed, but he stayed standing, though he looked more like the leaning tower of Pisa. Leaning with both hands braced against the wall, he stepped under the spray, and didn’t move, just allowing the water to cascade over his body.

Unable to stop himself Jeff’s gaze wandered over Chad’s body. Noticing he was broader in the shoulders then Jensen, but less so than Jared, tapered, leaner. Stripped, it was obvious exactly how rail thin and sunken he was. Jeff had felt it earlier as he held Chad, but seeing the true extent was jarring. On top of Chad’s coloring, a pasty white, it made him a candidate poster boy for Anorexia R US.

His eyes drifted toward the scattering of dime-sized bruises forming around Chad’s waist and hips—the size of fingers, a stark contrast to Chad’s skin, an older jagged scar completed the look.

Holding steady, Chad finally took hold of the soap and started to wash.

Jeff watched as the suds slid over Chad’s back, dripping down between Chad’s ass cheeks, down Chad’s legs—his cock stirred at the sight. Immediately Jeff turned away, clenched his fist, angry with himself that he had just ogled the man after what he had just gone through.

At the sound of the water shutting off, Jeff turned around, grabbed a towel and handed it to Chad. One handed, Chad started to towel dry himself. Jeff turned on his heels. “Hang on.” He returned a minute later with sweats and a tee shirt.

Though the shower helped, Chad was still intoxicated, his balance off, and it was more pronounced when Chad accidentally dropped the towel, swaying as he bent to pick it up.

Jeff grabbed him to keep him from falling, and maneuvered him to lean against the counter. “Whoa, here, lean…” Without pausing Jeff took another towel, and started to briskly towel dry Chad everywhere. Snatching up the sweats, he squatted and held them out just like when he helped Bill change. Chad said nothing, just complied with the silent request, lifting first one foot, then the other. Next Jeff helped him into the shirt. Opening a cabinet behind Chad, Jeff pulled out a bottle of aspirin. Turning on the faucet, he filled a glass with water, passing it to Chad. “Here drink.”

Chad did, but only a few sips.

“No, all of it.”

Chad hesitated, but did as Jeff asked. Once it was empty, Jeff refilled it, handing it back. “Down it, but leave enough to swallow these.”

Chad grimaced, looking at the white pills.

“Aspirin.” Jeff answered the silent question.

Taking the pills, Chad swallowed.

Satisfied, Jeff put the glass down and helped Chad into the bedroom, maneuvering him over to the bed. Chad started to protest, but Jeff ignored it and wouldn’t listen, just ushered him into the bed, pulling the covers up. “Don’t worry, just sleep.” Refuting any further argument, Jeff patted Chad’s arm, moving to leave. At the door, his hand on the knob, Jeff paused. “I’ll leave the hall light on, in case.” Turning, he looked over to see Chad was already sleeping.


Pulling into the driveway, Jensen cut the engine. Just sitting there with Jared, the silence stretched until the moment started to feel almost surreal, like something from the show - only they weren’t sitting in the Impala. Though Jared was normally polar-opposite to Sam in every aspect, right now he seemed to embody Sam’s very essence, capturing the sullen emo persona Sammy usually carried.

Dismissing the notion, Jensen took a deep breath, and turned toward Jared. His arm slid across, his fingers moved toward Jared’s neck to caress and offer comfort. Jared shrugged his hand away, “Don’t.” Jensen cringed at the harshness.

Jared opened his door, without turning, this time his voice softer. “Please just don’t.”

Dejected, Jensen sighed, and just sat there watching as Jared went inside. Logically he understood why Jared was upset. That Chad was his friend and he was hurting, that Jared had hurt him by not telling him sooner—they both did. But that did nothing to ease, or erase the ping of jealousy Jensen felt. Enough that he kept placing himself in Jared’s shoes. Felt that he and Chris were as equally as close as Jared and Chad. If the situation and their roles had been reversed, and it’d been he and Chris with a similar dynamic, if Chris had walked in on him kissing someone else, Jensen could only imagine the emotional impact. So he got it that Jared was devastated that he hadn’t told Chad. Whenever the subject came up Jensen had tried to convince Jared, encouraged him to tell Chad.

Though if he was honest with himself, he had never pressed the point hard enough. Maybe he was too selfish, enjoying the privacy they had, where the subject was never at the top of his list. As it was very few people within their circle knew. Yet Chris knew. Admittedly he had waited a long time before he told him, but Chris was perceptive and knew Jensen had to have been involved with someone—he had given himself away, had been too cheerful, giddy, or smiled too much.

Once he did reveal the truth of his and Jared’s relationship to Chris, that’s when he should have pushed Jared to tell Chad. He hadn’t.

None of that changed the pings of jealousy he was feeling now. His gut twisted as Chad’s eyes continued to haunt him—his eyes wide, reveling the unspoken raw emotions that were blatantly transparent. He had no doubt that Chad was in love with Jared.

Jensen rubbed at the growing tension in his neck to combat his ongoing headache. His imagination filled with unwanted images of Chad walking in on them kissing. But it was Jared’s reaction that kept coming back to him; the look he had in his eyes when they found out - when Jared realized Chad had seen them. The shock was evident, but there was also a glimpse of something else that had Jensen couldn’t put his finger on, but it drove his fears and doubts. Enough that Jensen couldn’t shake the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach that their relationship, everything he had with Jared, was suddenly on borrowed time.


After pacing back and forth, Jeff forcibly sat down on the couch and turned the TV on, anything to distract the train wreck that was going on in his head, to erase, or at least box up the images of what he and Chris had walked in on. Clicking from one channel to another trying to divert his attention—it didn’t work.

Frustrated, Jeff stood and started pacing again. Absently his eyes flitted over to his keys and for the first time he noticed that his cell wasn’t there, realizing it was still in his back pocket. Reaching behind him, he pulled his cell phone out. Pressing it on, he dully watched as the phone searched for service. Once on it beeped, displaying several messages: a few miscellaneous, and then several from Jared, with one from Jensen, and one that was blocked.

He couldn’t say why, but he skipped the other messages to play the blocked message first. It was from Chris.

Relieved, needing someone to talk to, Jeff hit redial. It barely rang before Chris answered with a terse, “Hello?”

Realizing his number and name was probably blocked Jeff quickly spoke, “Chris, it’s Jeff.”

A little too loudly, Chris spoke. “Hey, hold on a second, let me get somewhere quieter.”

Jeff didn’t bother to respond, but could hear the distinctive sounds of the party. Obviously Chris was still at the hotel. Grabbing his smokes and walking outside, Jeff lit a cigarette, starting to pace again as he waited.

“That’s better. Everything okay… is he all right? Are you?”

Now that he had Chris on the phone able to talk to, he didn’t know what to say. Silently cursing, his voice heavy with emotion, he finally answered, “Eventually.”
He didn’t have to worry, Chris understood—only too well, as he replied with a knowing. “Yeah.”

Even over the phone Jeff could feel the indecisiveness before Chris spoke. “Listen, I ran into Jensen. That’s how I got your number. I didn’t say anything, but they know something happened.”

Jeff shrugged as he answered. “Kind of figured. I didn’t listen yet, but I have several messages from them.”

“Yeah, Jared was kind of frantic. Jensen said he’d hold Jared off at least until tomorrow. If you don’t think Ch… well you might want to call Jared first thing before he descends on your place.”

“Yeah I’ll do that.”

Jeff stared out into the night, trying to find something to say. It wasn’t that he was afraid or nervous to talk about it, but to talk about over the phone, with Chad passed out in the other room, didn’t feel right, like he’d be talking behind Chad’s back. With Chris he didn’t have to worry. It was a welcomed surprise when Chris didn’t force a conversation. That their silence though slightly strange was comforting in itself. By the time he finished his cigarette, Jeff felt calmer, his anxiety less. Snubbing his cigarette out, Jeff spoke again. “I should probably go…”

“Alright. Ah call, if you need to.”

Jeff smiled. “Thanks, I will.”

Just seconds after he hung up, Jeff heard a crash and Bisou started barking. Quickly he opened the sliding door and followed her in, rushing into his bedroom. Initially hearing whimpering cries before he actually saw Chad, thrashing about in the throes of a nightmare. Opening the door further, the room illuminated by the light from the hallway, Jeff was able to see that Chad had accidentally knocked over the bedside lamp. He was twisted in the covers, kicking and fighting an unknown source.

Moving toward the bed, cautiously he reached out to shake Chad awake from his nightmare. At Jeff’s touch, Chad started to lash out, muttering. Frightened, Jeff jerked back as the volume increased, and Chad’s voice became clear. “No, don’t, please…stop, it hurts! Stop! Don’t touch me….” His voice hoarse as if he had been screaming for some time, “Mom, Mommy wake up, make him stop! please…”

The bottom of Jeff’s stomach dropped, his hands curled into fists, as he stood there helplessly. Too afraid to touch Chad, Jeff tried to call out. His voice was drowned out by the terrified whimpering sounds Chad was creating. Desperate, Jeff tried to raise his voice, demanding Chad wake up. It only resulted in Chad rolling into a ball, responding like he was being attacked. Forcibly swallowing, Jeff tried to soften his tone, finding it difficult to maintain as he started to see – understand -- what had happened to Chad as a child. Sick to his stomach at what he was witnessing, his anger increased, a need to beat the man that physically and sexually abused Chad as a child. That Chad’s mother was there when it happened.

Losing himself in his anger toward the man, Jeff repeated, “Chad wake up, it’s over! You’re having a nightmare, you’re safe. I promise you’re safe.”

Helpless Jeff watched as Chad flipped over on his stomach, his body stretched out. The sounds muffled by the corner of a pillow Chad had shoved in his mouth. Even tangled within the sheets, Jeff could see Chad’s body following into a parody of his rape—that he was reliving the event.

Watching Chad’s body move, his arms flailing his legs spread obscenely, gave Jeff a perversely clear picture of what had happened… he cursed, “Fuck!”

Just as he was about to physically force Chad awake. Bisou jumped on the bed, barking, her wet nose nudging against Chad’s face. Pausing, then barking once again. It took a couple of times, but Chad started to respond.

Apparently still asleep, he turned over; instinctively started to pet her, making room for her. Bisou in turn, licked his face, and then settled at his side. He hushed her, but his hand stayed tangled in her fur, fingers softly brushing through her hair.
Jeff wasn’t sure how long he stood there, just watching. With Bisou at Chad’s side, Chad was finally sleeping peacefully. Jeff didn’t leave, he couldn’t. Instead he moved over to the overstuffed chair near the closet and his dresser. It was usually a catchall, holding piles of clothes that needed to be packed, or put away. Scooping them up, he put them on dresser and sat down.

Though Bisou and Chad were hidden in shadows, he could hear Chad’s easy breaths. It helped even when he couldn’t shut off everything that was replaying within his mind. Realizing it was going to be a while before he’d be able to sleep, Jeff got comfortable and settled for what he knew would be a long night.




denyce: Jared waving hey~ (Default)

January 2017

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