FIC: 2525 Fandom: CW RPS (Jeff/Jensen/Chad, R)
Title: 2525
Author: Denyce
Fandom: CW RPS
Pairings: Jeff/Jensen/Chad—PLEASE, read the warnings!
Summary: An AU very futuristic scifi piece. Written for![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
moosesal's non-J2 prompt.
Warnings: Strong themes of suicide/assisted suicide. Those who are sensitive to or easily triggered by such content may wish to avoid this story. Implied character death(s).
Notes: First, mega thank you's goes out tosublimatedangel for the beta and handholding. Also note this was written and posted on the LJ 12in2008 back in Dec 2008. I never posted it anywhere else because I intended- do intend to write more at some point.
Reaching the top of the stairs, Jeff stopped. He squeezed the bottle nestled in his hand glaring at the damnation he held, replaying the campaign jingle for Genesis in his head, ‘…we’re not… making promises that we know we’ll never keep…’ He hated them, the damn things in his hand, hated that he was never given a choice, hated the side effects he hadn't been told about... but here he was, about to start the process all over again. This time it’d be different. It’d be the last time.
Wearily he headed down the hall toward his room. As he neared the room he could hear the soft melody of Jensen’s singing. He slowed as Jen’s voice washed over him. To never hear his sweet voice again... He swallowed and clutched at the pills in his hand. As much as he hated them, they were also his salvation.
He shouldn’t be nervous, but he was. It wasn’t like this was a last minute decision; he had researched it through four cycles, looking for a different avenue, some other way, but he'd found none. It was only a theory and had never actually been tested, but after what had happened to Sean... he was willing to take that chance. If anything, it should give him a reprieve, though that didn’t stop his stomach from rolling as his anxiety heightened. His breath hitched as a wave of doubt bombarded him, holding him rooted just before the entryway. After properly chastening himself, he shook it off. He knew that this was for the best. He had already spent too many years in avoidance, pretending that the boys weren’t aging. Now it had grown into something he couldn’t ignore. The bottom line was that he just couldn’t sit back and lose them. To have them not know him... it would be worse than not having them at all.
With a deep breath he took the last couple of steps. He immediately spotted the boys and leaned against the doorjamb to watch them.
As he'd expected, Chad was in bed, with Jensen almost hovering over him. He held Chad’s hand tucked up to the side of his face. The tune Jensen was singing was sweet and soft - something he probably should know, but for the life of him he couldn’t name. From here Chad looked peaceful, asleep. Jeff knew better, knew that Chad had barely slept at all in the last three days, his pain too intense.
His hand tightened on the bottle that’d fix his boy then shoved it into his pants pocket next to another bottle of pills, pills that would ease his own pain. He bit his lip as he thought of the last three days. Even after all these years, he was a coward— it had taken four cycles to research what he'd already known and then to commit fully to his decision. He still hadn’t made the preparations, putting it off until just recently when Chad’s body had signaled its need to recycle. Three days had passed, three days of watching one of his lovers suffer and writhe in needless pain, of watching Jensen worry and fret over Chad, not understanding, and all because he was dragging his feet. The fact was he was tired; he just couldn’t do this anymore. Couldn’t stomach continuing to go through the process again and again. Ironically, in the end, he was just too human, at least emotionally. Even after five hundred years, it hadn’t mattered how many lifetimes he'd lived through; he just didn’t have the strength to live on without his lovers.
Startled, Jeff jerked from Jensen’s hand. He'd been lost in his thoughts, and Jensen was suddenly there in his face, patiently waiting. Jeff blinked away his tears. “M’sorry.”
Jensen’s eyes were overly bright with unshed tears, but a small smile lingered as he shook his head. “No apologies.”
Jeff returned the smile and nodded, then looked over to Chad who was still lying on the bed. “How is he?”
Gnawing on his bottom lip, Jen mulled over the question before he answered. “OK... the same.”
Jeff nodded. His arms opened and Jensen immediately stepped forward, accepting the invitation and plastering himself to Jeff’s body. His arms closed over Jensen, hugging him tight. His hands stroked down Jen’s back and sides. Jeff could feel the difference, the weight loss from over the last three days, days where Jensen had stayed at Chad’s side and barely eaten.
Though his lovers didn’t understand the long-term effects of what was happening, it had been Chad’s condition that had pushed him to make a decision. When he'd started to have complications with his cycle, the boy’s physician had tried to reassure Jeff that it was only the effects of age, just like the steadily growing eye problems Jensen experienced before each recycle. For Chad, it was intestinal problems; issues he'd had as a teen were now becoming more problematic with each new cycle. It was considered trivial: as long as he had Chad start a new regimen of pills, they could reformat and erase the damaged cells when he was renewed. The problem was the side effects. The drug also prematurely erased other information. Chad’s long-term memory was deteriorating. Once he started the regime this time, Chad’s memory information would likely be entirely disabled. He wouldn’t remember Jeff, or Jensen. He’d lose everything they'd had, a life that had spanned over five hundred years. Without the regime, each cycle was longer and more painful, Chad suffering more and more as his body steadily got worse each time.
Three days ago, Chad’s need to recycle became apparent; because he was unprepared, it had taken Jeff all three days to make final arrangements.
It was more that he didn’t want to actually say good-bye rather than that he wasn’t prepared. Maybe he was a coward, going in this direction rather than standing by and watching his boys age, allowing the natural process. Maybe it would be better to let them lose their memories of each other, of him, rather than interfere... but he couldn't face that. To be the only one left that would remember their long lives, and what they had been to each other... no. If it made him a coward, so be it. In the end, he felt this was for the best, the least painful, the least cruel.
Everything had been set into motion. All the paper work (records, finances, and property) were filed and easily accessible. It was time to end this.
Still holding Jensen, he pulled back to stare into his eyes. This time he didn’t stop the tears from coming. Both hands framed Jen’s face. His lips hovered then nibbled Jensen’s mouth open. He licked and slowly devoured Jensen’s mouth, savoring his taste, Jeff’s lips doing everything to say what he couldn’t verbally say: good-bye.
He didn’t want to stop, didn't want to move on to the next part, but their time was limited.
His hand trailed down Jensen’s arm, his fingers twining within Jensen’s and clasping tightly, bringing him with as Jeff moved toward the bed. With one last squeeze they broke apart to climb on the bed, getting in on opposite sides only to meet near the middle, surrounding Chad.
Eyes still closed, Chad just laid there. Jeff pulled out the bottles of pills and set them on the nightstand by the pitcher and an empty glass. He filled the glass with water and set it back down. Turning toward Chad, Jeff took in his frail form: the stillness, the sick pasty pallor of skin, and the sunken, hollow cheeks. Where Jensen had lost some weight due to stress and worry, Chad was skin and bones. Each symptom radiated Chad’s pain.
John's fingers hovered, then trailed down over Chad’s face. Chad’s eyes fluttered open to small slits as he turned toward Jeff. His thin lips twitched and moved. It was an attempt to speak, or perhaps just smile, but it was obvious the attempt was too much for him and his eyes closed once more, his mouth stilling.
“Shhhh, don’t. It’s OK, got some pills… ” Jeff bit the bottom of his lip then choked out, “medicine. I got you meds.” The back of Jeff’s hand caressed Chad’s cheek. “It’s going to make you better. You’re gonna be just fine. I promise.” Jeff's voice was unsteady, but with as much pain as Chad was in, it didn't matter. His thumb slid up and along Chad’s jaw. “I’m gonna have to lift you, just a bit.” Jeff’s arm slid under Chad’s shoulders; he paused and looked over to Jensen. “You scoot in behind him. I’ll hold him until you can to support his back, okay?” He didn’t wait for an answer, but lifted Chad’s frail body until Jen maneuvered himself behind Chad. Once Jensen was settled against the wall, Jeff eased Chad back until Jensen had taken Chad’s full weight, his arms coming up and encircling Chad’s body.
Chad never opened his eyes or gave any sign of acknowledgment, only an involuntary moan that escaped as he adjusted to his new position which gave away the immensity of his pain.
Immediately Jensen leaned in, offering what he could in the form of comfort—mostly consisting of gentle caresses.
Jeff leaned back and watched his boys. Though Jensen whispered his words and kept his touch gentle - small, soft and intimate - there was no doubt as to the strength of genuine love and affection between them. Funny that it hadn’t existed in the beginning. They hadn't even been friends, had only had the commonality of a television network and their friendships with Jared. Later - like everyone else that survived the first changes – they shared in the grieving.
In the first wave of chaos, Jeff had fought for his own survival. During the second wave, he had escaped when the elders started to die out. By accident while on the run, he had found Chad, then later Jensen. Though Jeff had fucked Chad that first night—both desperate for human comfort. They weren’t lovers in any sense of the word, weren't even friends... but by the time they found Jensen they were. The world endured, and they endured and evolved with it. Even before chaos reigned, during the time before, he had never loved anyone as much as he now loved his boys, and it was because of that love that he had to do this.
Blinking through a veil of wetness, Jeff reached for the first bottle. Nine pills for each of his boys, and two extras that he'd procured off the black market. Those two, just for Chad, were bright pink in contrast to other eighteen blue pills, but Jeff had been promised they’d work almost instantly to ease any regeneration pain.
For a moment he just stared at the bottle. There was no turning back. He took a long, haggard breath, then popped the lid. His hand was shaking as he shook out pills and shucked several back in until he had only the two pink pills sitting in the palm of his hand.
A noise caught Jeff’s attention and he looked up to see Jensen’s distraught face. He was clearly confused, an unvoiced question playing on his lips. He stared wide-eyed, glaring first at Jeff and then inquiringly at the pills in his hand.
Jeff’s lips pressed together, the lump in his throat closing tight. Meeting Jensen’s eyes he swallowed through it and answered the silent question. “These will ease his pain. It’ll make taking the others easier.” With loving trust, Jensen nodded. With growing guilt, Jeff looked away and reached for the glass of water.
He took the two pills up to his mouth and held them on his tongue while he took a generous sip of water without swallowing. He handed the glass to Jensen then concentrated and leaned in. His palm held and caressed Chad’s jaw; his thumb trailed over Chad’s dry lips and pried them open as gently as he could. Jeff closed the distance until he was kissing Chad. His tongue pushed in, opening Chad’s mouth further, allowing him to transfer the water and pills to Chad. His hand stroked over his lover's throat, encouraging Chad’s throat muscles to swallow them down. Once Chad swallowed, Jeff rained kisses over Chad’s lips and face, smiling and telling him he had done well.
Jeff could feel Chad struggling to respond and his lips trembled in effort. Jeff could see the pills had started to work as promised as Chad opened his eyes. Though they were still only mere slits, it was obvious that for the first time since it had begun, his pain actually was starting to ease.
He closed his eyes again, blinking as he adjusted to the light, his eyes now fully opening and meeting Jeff’s gaze full on. Chad’s lips twitched as he attempted to smile.
Giddy, Jeff resisted the urge to laugh. It had worked. He could almost feel Chad breaking the chains of his pain, struggling to do too much too soon. “Not so fast… Don’t fight it, okay?” He leaned in for another kiss and this time - though tentative at first - Chad responded. Jeff groaned; though it had only been a few days since they had shared such a kiss, the absence had been devastating. Now to only have but a few moments—to only have one last time...
Jeff’s hands cradled Chad’s face as he possessively devoured Chad’s mouth. Though willing, Chad could do nothing more than submit. Regretfully Jeff pulled back, staring intently into Chad’s blue eyes. “Missed you! Love you so much.” Looking up over Chad’s shoulder he gazed at Jensen, neither commenting on their tears, their wet faces. “Both of you, love you both so much…” His hand wiped away a few of Jen’s tears. He knew that unlike his own, Jensen's were only of happiness that Chad was going to be okay. Jeff was happy, happy that he had these last moments, but there was more behind his own. He'd fought to have this one last time, to have them, but now that it was here it was all happening too fast, their time too short.
Jeff swallowed hard, falling back on his knees. His body quivered in sorrow, struggling not to bawl, knowing that he’d only upset them. It wasn’t working. Shaking his head, knowing he was out of time, he grabbed the bottle again. Without looking up, he pushed on, his voice rough and betraying his emotions. “These here are to help speed the process, but they also work on preventing…” Splitting the bottle, nine left in the bottle, and nine in his hand. He held them out for Jensen. “These are for you. On you they’ll work as a preventative.”
He was thankful Jensen didn’t question him. He just trustingly offered his hand, palm open as Jeff poured the pills into it. Without any preamble Jensen took half the pills with a healthy swig of water then proceeded to do the same with the remaining pills.
Jeff nodded, and took the nearly empty glass Jensen held out.
He tried not to think as he went on autopilot, turning to fill the glass again.
Once he refilled the glass, Jeff turned back to find Chad with his hand held out, now more aware, even eager. Jeff smiled, reassuring and false, and shook a couple pills into his hand. He felt more than saw Chad’s disgruntled look. “Start slow.”
Chad answered by taking the pills and a sip of the water that Jeff held out for him, then held out his hand again.
Jeff bit his lip and complied, repeating the process until all the pills were gone. Thankfully Jensen then took the opportunity to pull Chad up and started to kiss and nuzzle his ear. He started slow, tenderly peppering kisses over his ear down Chad’s neck, alternating with licks until he found a spot to suckle on, his hands continuously moving roaming over Chad.
Jeff watched, and drew blood as he bit and gnawed the inside of his cheek skin raw, words to confession and pleas for forgiveness threatening. Part of him wanted to tell them the truth, of what was really happening, but he was selfish. He didn’t want his last moments to be of their pain, shock, or anger, couldn't risk that they might not understand or agree, that in the end they might hate him. He opened his mouth to say something, but the only sound that emerged was kind of a haggard whimper that spilled out without his consent.
He watched them, futilely memorizing every movement until they slowed. Each touch became more sluggish until finally they stilled, as if falling asleep. Trembling he reached for his own bottle, though it was with relief this time rather than trepidation. He'd already done the hard part; he wouldn't have them go alone. All that was left was for him to take his own pills.
His own pills were black, and he needed more of the deadly pills, his system harder to overcome. Without looking away, his gaze fixed on both boys, he opened his mouth. In one go, he dumped the contents of the bottle into his mouth and dry-swallowed what he could. Lifting the glass, he took a small sip to ease the rest of the pills down before letting the empty tumbler fall harmlessly to the carpet.
He didn’t have long to wait and he soon had to fight to keep his eyes open. He used his last moments to take one last look at his boys. Though he was already growing lethargic, he was able to maneuver them into a more comfortable position where they were laid side by side in each other’s arms. He eased himself down; his hand wandered their bodies as he shifted to his side. Unable to fight it any longer, he reached over, embraced them both and closing his eyes.
There was nothing else to do, just wait.
FiN~
Author: Denyce
Fandom: CW RPS
Pairings: Jeff/Jensen/Chad—PLEASE, read the warnings!
Summary: An AU very futuristic scifi piece. Written for
moosesal's non-J2 prompt.Warnings: Strong themes of suicide/assisted suicide. Those who are sensitive to or easily triggered by such content may wish to avoid this story. Implied character death(s).
Notes: First, mega thank you's goes out to
sublimatedangel for the beta and handholding. Also note this was written and posted on the LJ 12in2008 back in Dec 2008. I never posted it anywhere else because I intended- do intend to write more at some point.Reaching the top of the stairs, Jeff stopped. He squeezed the bottle nestled in his hand glaring at the damnation he held, replaying the campaign jingle for Genesis in his head, ‘…we’re not… making promises that we know we’ll never keep…’ He hated them, the damn things in his hand, hated that he was never given a choice, hated the side effects he hadn't been told about... but here he was, about to start the process all over again. This time it’d be different. It’d be the last time.
Wearily he headed down the hall toward his room. As he neared the room he could hear the soft melody of Jensen’s singing. He slowed as Jen’s voice washed over him. To never hear his sweet voice again... He swallowed and clutched at the pills in his hand. As much as he hated them, they were also his salvation.
He shouldn’t be nervous, but he was. It wasn’t like this was a last minute decision; he had researched it through four cycles, looking for a different avenue, some other way, but he'd found none. It was only a theory and had never actually been tested, but after what had happened to Sean... he was willing to take that chance. If anything, it should give him a reprieve, though that didn’t stop his stomach from rolling as his anxiety heightened. His breath hitched as a wave of doubt bombarded him, holding him rooted just before the entryway. After properly chastening himself, he shook it off. He knew that this was for the best. He had already spent too many years in avoidance, pretending that the boys weren’t aging. Now it had grown into something he couldn’t ignore. The bottom line was that he just couldn’t sit back and lose them. To have them not know him... it would be worse than not having them at all.
With a deep breath he took the last couple of steps. He immediately spotted the boys and leaned against the doorjamb to watch them.
As he'd expected, Chad was in bed, with Jensen almost hovering over him. He held Chad’s hand tucked up to the side of his face. The tune Jensen was singing was sweet and soft - something he probably should know, but for the life of him he couldn’t name. From here Chad looked peaceful, asleep. Jeff knew better, knew that Chad had barely slept at all in the last three days, his pain too intense.
His hand tightened on the bottle that’d fix his boy then shoved it into his pants pocket next to another bottle of pills, pills that would ease his own pain. He bit his lip as he thought of the last three days. Even after all these years, he was a coward— it had taken four cycles to research what he'd already known and then to commit fully to his decision. He still hadn’t made the preparations, putting it off until just recently when Chad’s body had signaled its need to recycle. Three days had passed, three days of watching one of his lovers suffer and writhe in needless pain, of watching Jensen worry and fret over Chad, not understanding, and all because he was dragging his feet. The fact was he was tired; he just couldn’t do this anymore. Couldn’t stomach continuing to go through the process again and again. Ironically, in the end, he was just too human, at least emotionally. Even after five hundred years, it hadn’t mattered how many lifetimes he'd lived through; he just didn’t have the strength to live on without his lovers.
Startled, Jeff jerked from Jensen’s hand. He'd been lost in his thoughts, and Jensen was suddenly there in his face, patiently waiting. Jeff blinked away his tears. “M’sorry.”
Jensen’s eyes were overly bright with unshed tears, but a small smile lingered as he shook his head. “No apologies.”
Jeff returned the smile and nodded, then looked over to Chad who was still lying on the bed. “How is he?”
Gnawing on his bottom lip, Jen mulled over the question before he answered. “OK... the same.”
Jeff nodded. His arms opened and Jensen immediately stepped forward, accepting the invitation and plastering himself to Jeff’s body. His arms closed over Jensen, hugging him tight. His hands stroked down Jen’s back and sides. Jeff could feel the difference, the weight loss from over the last three days, days where Jensen had stayed at Chad’s side and barely eaten.
Though his lovers didn’t understand the long-term effects of what was happening, it had been Chad’s condition that had pushed him to make a decision. When he'd started to have complications with his cycle, the boy’s physician had tried to reassure Jeff that it was only the effects of age, just like the steadily growing eye problems Jensen experienced before each recycle. For Chad, it was intestinal problems; issues he'd had as a teen were now becoming more problematic with each new cycle. It was considered trivial: as long as he had Chad start a new regimen of pills, they could reformat and erase the damaged cells when he was renewed. The problem was the side effects. The drug also prematurely erased other information. Chad’s long-term memory was deteriorating. Once he started the regime this time, Chad’s memory information would likely be entirely disabled. He wouldn’t remember Jeff, or Jensen. He’d lose everything they'd had, a life that had spanned over five hundred years. Without the regime, each cycle was longer and more painful, Chad suffering more and more as his body steadily got worse each time.
Three days ago, Chad’s need to recycle became apparent; because he was unprepared, it had taken Jeff all three days to make final arrangements.
It was more that he didn’t want to actually say good-bye rather than that he wasn’t prepared. Maybe he was a coward, going in this direction rather than standing by and watching his boys age, allowing the natural process. Maybe it would be better to let them lose their memories of each other, of him, rather than interfere... but he couldn't face that. To be the only one left that would remember their long lives, and what they had been to each other... no. If it made him a coward, so be it. In the end, he felt this was for the best, the least painful, the least cruel.
Everything had been set into motion. All the paper work (records, finances, and property) were filed and easily accessible. It was time to end this.
Still holding Jensen, he pulled back to stare into his eyes. This time he didn’t stop the tears from coming. Both hands framed Jen’s face. His lips hovered then nibbled Jensen’s mouth open. He licked and slowly devoured Jensen’s mouth, savoring his taste, Jeff’s lips doing everything to say what he couldn’t verbally say: good-bye.
He didn’t want to stop, didn't want to move on to the next part, but their time was limited.
His hand trailed down Jensen’s arm, his fingers twining within Jensen’s and clasping tightly, bringing him with as Jeff moved toward the bed. With one last squeeze they broke apart to climb on the bed, getting in on opposite sides only to meet near the middle, surrounding Chad.
Eyes still closed, Chad just laid there. Jeff pulled out the bottles of pills and set them on the nightstand by the pitcher and an empty glass. He filled the glass with water and set it back down. Turning toward Chad, Jeff took in his frail form: the stillness, the sick pasty pallor of skin, and the sunken, hollow cheeks. Where Jensen had lost some weight due to stress and worry, Chad was skin and bones. Each symptom radiated Chad’s pain.
John's fingers hovered, then trailed down over Chad’s face. Chad’s eyes fluttered open to small slits as he turned toward Jeff. His thin lips twitched and moved. It was an attempt to speak, or perhaps just smile, but it was obvious the attempt was too much for him and his eyes closed once more, his mouth stilling.
“Shhhh, don’t. It’s OK, got some pills… ” Jeff bit the bottom of his lip then choked out, “medicine. I got you meds.” The back of Jeff’s hand caressed Chad’s cheek. “It’s going to make you better. You’re gonna be just fine. I promise.” Jeff's voice was unsteady, but with as much pain as Chad was in, it didn't matter. His thumb slid up and along Chad’s jaw. “I’m gonna have to lift you, just a bit.” Jeff’s arm slid under Chad’s shoulders; he paused and looked over to Jensen. “You scoot in behind him. I’ll hold him until you can to support his back, okay?” He didn’t wait for an answer, but lifted Chad’s frail body until Jen maneuvered himself behind Chad. Once Jensen was settled against the wall, Jeff eased Chad back until Jensen had taken Chad’s full weight, his arms coming up and encircling Chad’s body.
Chad never opened his eyes or gave any sign of acknowledgment, only an involuntary moan that escaped as he adjusted to his new position which gave away the immensity of his pain.
Immediately Jensen leaned in, offering what he could in the form of comfort—mostly consisting of gentle caresses.
Jeff leaned back and watched his boys. Though Jensen whispered his words and kept his touch gentle - small, soft and intimate - there was no doubt as to the strength of genuine love and affection between them. Funny that it hadn’t existed in the beginning. They hadn't even been friends, had only had the commonality of a television network and their friendships with Jared. Later - like everyone else that survived the first changes – they shared in the grieving.
In the first wave of chaos, Jeff had fought for his own survival. During the second wave, he had escaped when the elders started to die out. By accident while on the run, he had found Chad, then later Jensen. Though Jeff had fucked Chad that first night—both desperate for human comfort. They weren’t lovers in any sense of the word, weren't even friends... but by the time they found Jensen they were. The world endured, and they endured and evolved with it. Even before chaos reigned, during the time before, he had never loved anyone as much as he now loved his boys, and it was because of that love that he had to do this.
Blinking through a veil of wetness, Jeff reached for the first bottle. Nine pills for each of his boys, and two extras that he'd procured off the black market. Those two, just for Chad, were bright pink in contrast to other eighteen blue pills, but Jeff had been promised they’d work almost instantly to ease any regeneration pain.
For a moment he just stared at the bottle. There was no turning back. He took a long, haggard breath, then popped the lid. His hand was shaking as he shook out pills and shucked several back in until he had only the two pink pills sitting in the palm of his hand.
A noise caught Jeff’s attention and he looked up to see Jensen’s distraught face. He was clearly confused, an unvoiced question playing on his lips. He stared wide-eyed, glaring first at Jeff and then inquiringly at the pills in his hand.
Jeff’s lips pressed together, the lump in his throat closing tight. Meeting Jensen’s eyes he swallowed through it and answered the silent question. “These will ease his pain. It’ll make taking the others easier.” With loving trust, Jensen nodded. With growing guilt, Jeff looked away and reached for the glass of water.
He took the two pills up to his mouth and held them on his tongue while he took a generous sip of water without swallowing. He handed the glass to Jensen then concentrated and leaned in. His palm held and caressed Chad’s jaw; his thumb trailed over Chad’s dry lips and pried them open as gently as he could. Jeff closed the distance until he was kissing Chad. His tongue pushed in, opening Chad’s mouth further, allowing him to transfer the water and pills to Chad. His hand stroked over his lover's throat, encouraging Chad’s throat muscles to swallow them down. Once Chad swallowed, Jeff rained kisses over Chad’s lips and face, smiling and telling him he had done well.
Jeff could feel Chad struggling to respond and his lips trembled in effort. Jeff could see the pills had started to work as promised as Chad opened his eyes. Though they were still only mere slits, it was obvious that for the first time since it had begun, his pain actually was starting to ease.
He closed his eyes again, blinking as he adjusted to the light, his eyes now fully opening and meeting Jeff’s gaze full on. Chad’s lips twitched as he attempted to smile.
Giddy, Jeff resisted the urge to laugh. It had worked. He could almost feel Chad breaking the chains of his pain, struggling to do too much too soon. “Not so fast… Don’t fight it, okay?” He leaned in for another kiss and this time - though tentative at first - Chad responded. Jeff groaned; though it had only been a few days since they had shared such a kiss, the absence had been devastating. Now to only have but a few moments—to only have one last time...
Jeff’s hands cradled Chad’s face as he possessively devoured Chad’s mouth. Though willing, Chad could do nothing more than submit. Regretfully Jeff pulled back, staring intently into Chad’s blue eyes. “Missed you! Love you so much.” Looking up over Chad’s shoulder he gazed at Jensen, neither commenting on their tears, their wet faces. “Both of you, love you both so much…” His hand wiped away a few of Jen’s tears. He knew that unlike his own, Jensen's were only of happiness that Chad was going to be okay. Jeff was happy, happy that he had these last moments, but there was more behind his own. He'd fought to have this one last time, to have them, but now that it was here it was all happening too fast, their time too short.
Jeff swallowed hard, falling back on his knees. His body quivered in sorrow, struggling not to bawl, knowing that he’d only upset them. It wasn’t working. Shaking his head, knowing he was out of time, he grabbed the bottle again. Without looking up, he pushed on, his voice rough and betraying his emotions. “These here are to help speed the process, but they also work on preventing…” Splitting the bottle, nine left in the bottle, and nine in his hand. He held them out for Jensen. “These are for you. On you they’ll work as a preventative.”
He was thankful Jensen didn’t question him. He just trustingly offered his hand, palm open as Jeff poured the pills into it. Without any preamble Jensen took half the pills with a healthy swig of water then proceeded to do the same with the remaining pills.
Jeff nodded, and took the nearly empty glass Jensen held out.
He tried not to think as he went on autopilot, turning to fill the glass again.
Once he refilled the glass, Jeff turned back to find Chad with his hand held out, now more aware, even eager. Jeff smiled, reassuring and false, and shook a couple pills into his hand. He felt more than saw Chad’s disgruntled look. “Start slow.”
Chad answered by taking the pills and a sip of the water that Jeff held out for him, then held out his hand again.
Jeff bit his lip and complied, repeating the process until all the pills were gone. Thankfully Jensen then took the opportunity to pull Chad up and started to kiss and nuzzle his ear. He started slow, tenderly peppering kisses over his ear down Chad’s neck, alternating with licks until he found a spot to suckle on, his hands continuously moving roaming over Chad.
Jeff watched, and drew blood as he bit and gnawed the inside of his cheek skin raw, words to confession and pleas for forgiveness threatening. Part of him wanted to tell them the truth, of what was really happening, but he was selfish. He didn’t want his last moments to be of their pain, shock, or anger, couldn't risk that they might not understand or agree, that in the end they might hate him. He opened his mouth to say something, but the only sound that emerged was kind of a haggard whimper that spilled out without his consent.
He watched them, futilely memorizing every movement until they slowed. Each touch became more sluggish until finally they stilled, as if falling asleep. Trembling he reached for his own bottle, though it was with relief this time rather than trepidation. He'd already done the hard part; he wouldn't have them go alone. All that was left was for him to take his own pills.
His own pills were black, and he needed more of the deadly pills, his system harder to overcome. Without looking away, his gaze fixed on both boys, he opened his mouth. In one go, he dumped the contents of the bottle into his mouth and dry-swallowed what he could. Lifting the glass, he took a small sip to ease the rest of the pills down before letting the empty tumbler fall harmlessly to the carpet.
He didn’t have long to wait and he soon had to fight to keep his eyes open. He used his last moments to take one last look at his boys. Though he was already growing lethargic, he was able to maneuver them into a more comfortable position where they were laid side by side in each other’s arms. He eased himself down; his hand wandered their bodies as he shifted to his side. Unable to fight it any longer, he reached over, embraced them both and closing his eyes.
There was nothing else to do, just wait.
FiN~