I'm alive - Updates rl/fandom

[denyce]

This past week I’ve kinda just zoned out trying to compartmentalize things – my life. Since I’m not the most organized person in the world it’s been an uphill battle.

Okay so mom- biopsy results came back and we went to the oncologist 2 weeks ago today. It is cancer and in stage 3. Mom left for CT last week to see her brother who is terminal and to tell the rest of the family in person. She returns next week and then starts aggressive Chemo and radiation treatments on the 13th.

I’m extremely close to my mom, so I am a mess to put it mildly, but will be there throughout it all.

For fandom activities I’m clueless – similar to a fish washed up on shore gasping and flipflopping all over the place. One minute I can’t wrap my head around what’s happening where I zone out watching god knows what just to feel nothing.

In the coming months I don’t think any of this is going to change. Meaning I honestly can’t promise anything since I have no clue how I’ll feel or behave from one moment to another. If I can get into fandom, dive into a fic reading or writing I will, but I’ve had huge chucks of days/time where I don’t do anything even scrolling through my flist.

So I make no promises – I’ll write when I can and my muse is pushing me, or I’ll dive into reading a fic – or I’ll be silent. I’m not - can’t put any pressure/stress on myself.

I did work to set up my comms to keep going on, sadly atm my co mods are also having rl shit piling on them *sigh* So hoping things will level out in the good soon – like NOW!!!

Because mom’s back east surrounded by family, I have read 1 TW fic Alpha Spikes, and thoroughly enjoyed!! I’m only greedy in that I wanted more porn, a lot more porn ;)

Have had TW bunnies biting my heels – most crossovers with SPN and DA \o/

Am becoming obsessed with TW, so much love!!!! The last episode killed me so SO good!!!

Wrote more on my DAbb and working (hoping to write the porn) at least before mom gets back next week and my muse runs away.

This weekend, lots of omg laundry!!! Finish DAbb with porn!! Read some TW (or write some if finished DAbb ;) So is it bad I’m having thoughts for Derek/Dean – have a bunny where Dean is de-aged a teen and Sam has to take care of him and wants Dean to experience normal and give high school a chance, so he takes a job and they move to Beacon Hills a place he thinks is a nice normal all around American pie town – NOT!

Blah, now I'm off to work ~

Comments

[i_want_2]

Hey, doll. Shit is terrible, but how we make it through that makes life worth living. You keep on moving, like a fish. Not like a shark, sharks are assholes. Keep swimming and protect your tail.

Love ya.